Ambiguous loss is something people can experience when they look the same on the outside but feel completely different on the inside. It happens to both the person suffering the loss as well as their loved ones. It’s something I used to not understand but now understand all too well.
However, ambiguous loss is not only seen in people who have a brain injury. Anyone who loses a major part of their identity can deal with it. It could be any illness or disability, job loss or job change, retirement, parents becoming empty nesters, divorce, moving to a new town or city - and these are just a few of the examples I can think of.
Ambiguous loss causes people to go through all sorts of new and unfamiliar emotions as they try to figure out who they’ve suddenly become - sadness, frustration, confusion, fear, anger, bitterness, embarrassment. I dealt with all of these - plus many more - after my brain injury. But I was able to find a way to move forward in the midst of these emotions - it was a matter of “life and death.”
You see, following my brain injury, I became a brand new person and, in many ways, it felt like the old "Jeff" had died. For the longest time, this made it very difficult to move on. But I eventually stopped seeing my situation as one of "death” and started to see it as one of "life.” I began viewing it as a kind of “rebirth.” And instead of constantly thinking about all I’d lost, I began thinking about all I’d gained. Instead of focusing on the old me who’d died, I started focusing on the brand new me who was still very much alive.
If ambiguous loss sounds like something you’re dealing with, please don't give up. Try to take your eyes off what you’ve lost and keep looking for what you’ve gained - what you find just might bring you back to life!
