I was very familiar with the word “vulnerable.” That’s because my wife found a way to weave it into what seemed like every one of the conversations we had about my brain injury. It was almost like she was trying to tell me something! So, because I didn’t exactly understand what the word even meant, I finally decided to look it up in the dictionary. I figured I should try and see why my wife kept bringing it up so much to me. And this is what I found:
Vulnerable: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally
Well, the words I read in this definition didn’t interest me in the least little bit.
Exposed
Attacked
Harmed
Thanks, but no thanks! I’m sure vulnerability might work for some people but it certainly wasn’t for me. Being vulnerable seemed like such a risky thing to do. What if I opened up to someone about my new struggles and they didn’t believe me? What if they made fun of me? What if they started telling other people? Plus, I really didn’t want to bother other people with my problems because I knew they had their own to deal with.
But, because this was how I chose to deal with my brain injury, I knew that I wasn’t being completely honest with other people. I wasn’t even giving them a chance to understand and accept my “new normal.” Plus, I didn't want to give others the impression I'd grown soft and that I couldn't handle things on my own. I was worried they would think less of me if they knew that I wasn't the person I once was. But playing this game of charades started to wear me down. I grew tired of hiding the truth. I knew that I couldn’t continue acting like I was the same person I used to be. This was when I started to think my wife had been on to something when it came to me trying to be more vulnerable. So I finally decided to give it a chance and see what happened.
Since making this decision, I’ve discovered that being more vulnerable, that being more honest and transparent, is a much healthier way to live with my “new normal.” It’s given me a greater sense of freedom and it’s helped me become a better husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I’ve also discovered how being more vulnerable seems to be helping other people as well. I’ve learned when others know you have your own share of struggles, they are much more likely to open up about theirs. When you become more honest with people about your problems, they will say things like, "You struggle with that, too," or "I thought it was just me." There’s just a much greater and a more meaningful connection when you know someone is going through some of the same things you are, when they understand where you're coming from.
With all that being said, please don't assume I have this whole “living vulnerably” thing completely mastered. I didn't magically change overnight. Vulnerability is a relatively new concept for me and I am definitely a work in progress. My natural tendency is still to hide my weaknesses and I spend way too much time and energy trying to do this. But it’s something I’m confident I can and plan on getting better at.
Pastor Craig Groeschel once said, "We might impress people with our strengths, but we connect with people through our weaknesses." Me and my “old normal” would have just laughed at such a statement. But that’s not true when it comes to my “new normal!” I’ve learned that I no longer need to hide my weaknesses because connecting with people is much more important than impressing them!
