From my earliest recollections, I remember hearing over and over again that people who suffer a brain injury have to find a “new normal.” My brain injury was so severe there was no chance of me going back to who I was before. However, for the first several months, I shocked nearly everyone with my unexpected, unexplainable, and rather quick recovery. This led me to believe that my brain injury wasn’t nearly as bad as my doctors had suggested and that I’d be back to my old self, my old normal, in no time at all. But it wouldn’t be long until my recovery slowed down to a proverbial crawl and it became clear to me that this simply wasn't going to happen. The permanence and long-standing effects of my brain injury became undeniable and I realized my doctors had been right all along. I was never going to be normal again! I began to feel overwhelmed with this new reality and I started angrily asking God a lot of questions about what he was doing.
Now, you’ve probably already heard me call the day of my accident “the day my life changed forever.” Well, a second life-changing day took place about the same time I was frustratingly starting to question God’s plan.
It happened when I was at a RightNow Media conference in Dallas, TX, an event I had begrudgingly agreed to go to with my wife. Even though I was going to the conference with low expectations, I heard a Bible verse while there that would change the trajectory of my life once again!
“I know your deeds, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3: 15-16.
Now, this wasn't an unfamiliar verse to me. It was one I'd heard plenty of times before but this time something was very different. It affected me in a way it never had previously.
Every time I heard this verse in the past, I'd be thinking, “Man, I'd hate to be one of those lukewarm guys spit out by God!" But that day I said to myself, "I think I’m actually one of them!” You see, I had always "tried" my very best to make my faith an important part of who I was. I never strayed too far from the church or God and most people thought of me as being a “good Christian." But I had an awakening that day and realized how “lukewarm” I truly was.
I started to understand how confused I’d been about what it meant to be a Christian, or what it was supposed to look like to follow Jesus. I’d been following an “inverted gospel.” I claimed to be following Jesus, but in reality, I’d just invited him to follow me. I’d always focused on not doing certain things so God wouldn’t punish me and conveniently ignored what he actually wanted me to do. I certainly wanted to go to heaven after I died but I was not aware that Jesus followers were called and empowered to bring a heaven down here right now. I had heard of the Holy Spirit before but really had no clue who he was, that he was actually real and not just some vague “idea,” and the miraculous power he can bring to your life.
When I heard those words that day, it was like God was speaking directly to me. I suddenly became aware, and convicted, of my own "lukewarmness.” This would light a fire inside of me that I’d never experienced before. I wanted to learn more about who Jesus truly was and what a life completely surrendered to him was supposed to look like. I felt like I’d been given a second chance to leave behind my lukewarm ways and to live a life completely for God, the only kind he deserves and the kind I should have been living all along.
My whole escape from “lukewarmness” was not a single, instantaneous event. It has been a journey, a journey where I keep on learning more and more everyday. It’s one that continues to this day, and one I don’t expect ever to end. And the other thing is I had nothing to do with it. I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t ask God to change me. He just did it. He made it happen.
I’m not sure where you are right now or if any of what I said about being “lukewarm” resonated with you but I imagine a few of you might be able to relate. If that’s the case, I hope you know that God loves you, he’s waiting for you to surrender everything to him, and he can change you, too!
